On slowing down ...

"And here’s the thing: Too Busy is a Choice.  And Life is not an emergency — Life is a gift."  Thank you, Ann Voskamp, for doing it, yet again!  Writing in such a way that captures my attention and makes me remember what my priorities are.  Last week my kids were sick, not major sick, just the normal fever, coughs, snot and general crud that go along with being preschoolers.  My kids seem to get sick a lot, like every month.  Maybe because they were preemies?  Maybe just because kids get sick a lot?  I was bummed because we'd only made it through one week of preschool before we got sick.  And I had plans for the time while they were in school!  Plans for "my time" which mamas know doesn't come around very often!  So when they got sick I cancelled my chiropractic appointment and my hair cut and my time with a friend.  And I felt a little sorry for myself.  (This is coming on the tail of just having had to miss my annual college reunion because the kids were sick).  And I heard my love and logic parenting coming out (don't you hate it when it's used on you?!) --  "You have two choices, Katie, this week can be a wash because it isn't what you had planned or you can see this week as a gift!"  It has been a hectic few months with balancing two different jobs/parenting/life and what a chance to spend 4 days with just me and my kids  And so I chose the second one (most of the time :)) and what a great week we had. Despite being sick they were in good moods and I didn't get in my car for 4 days (so amazing) and we just did puzzles and art projects and snuggled.  We took walks around the neighborhood. We turned our two couches into our "pirate ship" and read books and books and more books.  We played dress-up and made cookies and painted our fingernails.  And here's the thing:  the kids didn't care one bit.  At their age they just want their mom or dad around when they don't feel well and they don't mind that their "plans" got changed.  Always has been and always will be a struggle for me to let go of my lists and ideas and planner and agenda.  Thankfully I have two little people who are always distracting me and helping me to realize there are much more important things to do that don't fit onto any list.  I never want my children to feel like I am too busy for them.  Too busy IS a choice.  Living slower is a choice too.  Motherhood is a humbling experience.  There are forever and ever things that we must come to learn about ourselves that aren't  pretty and parenting brings these things into view on a very regular basis.  And then we sing at bedtime, "Amazing grace how sweet the sound ...."  And we start tomorrow fresh and full of grace.

Not sure that "personal space" is part of their vocabulary!
 Maybe why they share so many viruses too?!

Stroller snuggles :)

"Okay, Sissy, here's the plan ..."

My therapy

In her element!

Some glimpses into our life ...

Some glimpses of our life this week ... the kids absolutely loved their new teacher at preschool and have been playing school at home and taking turns being "Teacher Donna" -- so cute.  

We had to raise their bikes up the the highest level which gave me a moment of mommy panic -- who are these old children and what happened to my babies?!  

We got to celebrate the birthdays of our dear friend Aven, who is now four and my mama, who is now 61.   

This age feels so FUN to me.  They are just so inquisitive and curious and interested and engaged. 

I don't think there will be another phase of life where I will feel so pulled and stretched and tired -- that is what parenting and work and relationships and the balance of it all does to you.  But I also don't think I will ever again feel as purposeful or fulfilled ... what a gift to be shaping and shaped by and loving on and loved by these two little people.  Every single night Amelia asks for "the story where me and Lukey were babies in your tummy" and so every night it's part of our ritual that I lay in bed next to her and give her a back rub and sing her her songs ("Jesus loves me" and "You are my sunshine") and then tell her the 3-year old version about how she and Lukey were babies in mommy's tummy.  She hears about how mommy had to lay down for a very long time.  She knows that she was teeny tiny when she was born but she was strong and God took care of her.  She knows that she and her brother are incredible gifts that we didn't deserve but got to parent anyway.  She knows she is loved forever. 

These two will need new big kid bikes soon!

Will miss our after dinner walks when it starts getting dark at 4pm!

Wrestling!

Our dear "Maryman" as the kids call her :)  

Happy birthday, Aven!

Happy birthday, Mama!

Preschool 2014!

End of summer fun!

We're soaking up every last bit of summer around here!  Partly dreading the soon-to-be-rainy-season which means the stir-crazy-mama-of-two-wild-stir-crazy-kids ... but also looking forward to the rhythm and community of their preschool co-op getting going for the year.  The thing I want to remember most about this phase is how imaginative and creative their play has become.  They act out roles and stories and most of their play starts with lines like, "Okay Lukey, you be the daddy bear and I'll be the baby bear ..." or some other version of who will be playing which role for that particular game.  I love it.  There have been parts of having twins that have been just plain hard.  Two newborns, two teething babies, never ever getting enough sleep (which isn't always true but often felt true in the midst of my fatigue) ... but watching them play together?  Pretty sweet.

Baby Eden!

When both of your parents are nurses ...

End of summer day trip!

Love when this girl just gets to run ... and run ... and run ...

My single greatest piece of baby/kid equipment: our ergo! 

None of us are ready to give it up :)

Ballet class!  The tutu girls :)

Summer fun!

This last month has flown by -- between my new job and having a lot of company I'm not always sure what end is up but I do know that we are richly blessed to get to share life with many people who love us and love our children deeply.  We are grateful.

Summer art lessons from Kylee :)

Cupcakes with Grammy!

Celebrating our dear friends, Frank and Martha at their 65th anniversary party!

4 generations of Coyles!

We love summer evenings!

Love love love my sweet Caroline Jane. 

Frog Lake

We love Oregon summers!

The butterfly catchers :)

Also an option!

Love having these four together!

On being refreshed ...

We spent three nights last week at the Oregon Coast with dear family friends and we felt so refreshed by our time there.  It has made me realize that I am not being intentional enough about having fun together as a family.  Scott and I talk often about the family culture that we want to create -- one that is intentional and relational and prayerful and honest and loving.  But, I don't ever want to forget that we should be having FUN with our children.  They notice.  I want to remember these days of them smashing sand castles and running in the waves and laughing and playing and just being kids.  And it's fun for all of us!  The adults played games late one night and even though Michelle and I had wanted to go to bed (tired mamas) we both laughed until we cried and I haven't done that in a really long time.  Like way too long.  Life gets busy -- Scott and I have both started new jobs in the last six months and at points it's been downright chaotic balancing careers and schedules and housework and childcare.  And somewhere in that daily grind of life I lost sight of the value of laughing together and making play a priority.  It is a tricky thing to do because there are constant needs to be met -- the to-do list of a parent is NEVER done and the fatigue is always there (less so now than in the first few years, but still always present!) and some days it can feel like you are being pulled in 14 directions.  Breathe deeply.  Prioritize.  Be fully present with each need and then move on.  And create space for fun!  So thankful for these days we had together ...

Idaho trip ... And a career change!

We took a whirlwind trip to Idaho over the holiday weekend and we all had a blast seeing both Scott and my sides of the family.  I love how much joy and excitement kids add to family celebrations and reunions.  The kids had fun in the pool, loved the BBQs, fireworks and family time.  

This summer feels like it's flying by, mainly because it's meant a big career change for me -- I've been an inpatient nurse since I graduated from nursing school 8 years ago.  Last month I started working at a pediatric clinic and have been working full time while I orient -- the balance of childcare and career is a delicate balance that is tricky to navigate.  I am so very thankful for a career that is so flexible around family life.  I've been processing my career choice this month and thinking about how often I get asked  about how I feel about being a nurse and my answer is: there is absolutely nothing else I'd rather do.  It is the nitty gritty of life.  It is the privilege of getting to enter into peoples' lives in times of great stress and uncertainty and to walk with them through that. It is providing practical help in times of need.   It has changed me in the deep places of my soul.  When I graduated from school, like many young and altruistic people, I wanted to be a nurse "to help people".  I had no idea how profoundly my patients would impact and change me.  I have learned more than I ever could have taught.  I have cried with mamas who are saying goodbye to their children.  I have seen children be so dang resilient it is truly amazing.  I have seen families be brave in the midst of so many unknowns.  I have seen whole communities come together around one family and carry them through.  I have seen parents selflessly and courageously care for children who may never be able to care for themselves.  I have learned to listen more than I speak.  I have been changed.  

Nursing and mothering share so many similarities.  This year Mother's Day and Nurse Appreciation Week fell on the same week and I though that was so appropriate.  As both a nurse and a mom, so much of what you do is busy and mundane work -- kids need to be fed (again), patients need to be changed (again), meds need to be passed (already?!), laundry and dishes and cleaning are waiting (forever) ... but yet you turn around and realize that all of those ways of serving your children and patients have created space for beautiful and profound moments.   In the midst of our tasks, there is a vulnerability that occurs and relationships are being nurtured and grown in deep ways.  The two cannot be separated -- the physical and the spiritual. 

Enough of my processing my career change.  I'm thankful and excited for this new way to pursue nursing.  Thankful for a wonderful husband, parents, in-laws and babysitter who have all helped make this change possible.  Thankful that I more intentionally enjoy the time I do have with my kiddos.  Thankful that I'll be back to part-time soon :)

Just hanging out!

Sweet Caroline Jane!

Photo booth fun :)

Slip-and-slide!

These two!  Hilarious!

Grammy and Gramps!

Love the 3 year-old hands next to the 92 year-old hands.

My beautiful nieces

My dad, "Couldn't you at least teach her to drink good beer?!"
She was teething on a cold (unopened :)) can.  Too funny to not snap a picture!

Together again!