Thankful for 30!

Just a quick update ... First, we are so very thankful to have made it to 30 weeks ... the answer to many many prayers.  We thank God!  Our families filled our hospital room for a lovely Christmas Eve dinner and we all got to celebrate together.  Yesterday we had a growth ultrasound and both babes looked wonderful.  Luke weighs approximately 3lbs, 10oz and Amelia is 3lbs, 4oz.  Practically huge, huh? :)  For now the plan is to have a c-section at 32 weeks but "plans" in the hospital (and in life!) are always subject to change.  The bigger the babes get, the more decelerations they seem to have, probably from compression of their cords.  So we have to ask the question of risk/benefit for both babies.  Is it better to keep them inside longer and risk the possible impact of these decelerations?  Or is it better to deliver and accept the risks of prematurity?  No one said parenting was easy .... Scott and I (and our wonderful team of doctors and nurses) wrestle with these questions every day now.  We're just praying for wisdom and getting very excited to finally meet these two sweet babies!

29 weeks! ... and counting ...

Yesterday we hit the 29 week mark!  When this all started at 21 weeks, 29 felt sometimes like an impossible goal.  But here we are!  And very thankful to be here.  It was a crazy week, I was pretty sure we'd meet Luke and Amelia ... but they've decided it's much more comfortable to stay where they're at for now.  Good choice!  I'm very hesitant during this pregnancy to use the word "stable" ... but for the moment things seems to be quiet.  I'm back on the magnesium and will probably try to stay on it until 32 weeks if the babies will be that patient.  It's overwhelming to think of three more weeks of this ... but every day that I'm here is one less day that the babes will have to spend in the NICU.  That is the best motivation there is! We are having ultrasounds done three times a week now to check the cords and amniotic fluid levels on both babies, but especially Luke.  His fluid level continues to drop but very slowly.  We will check their weight/growth again on 12.27.  Thank you for your continued support and love.  Scott and I appreciate you all!

The Journey Continues ...

At one point yesterday Scott and I exchanged that look that means, "Are you kidding me?!  This has got to be a joke!" This has been one marathon pregnancy.  Yesterday was a rough day ... I'll try not to be too wordy and the bottom line is that today is a better day and we are still pregnant.  The day started with a growth ultrasound for the babes.  Normally we love those days!  But this u/s showed that Luke probably has a problem with his placenta.  He hasn't grown in the last two weeks (good thing he grew early!) and his amniotic fluid level is dropping.  Amelia looks great, thankfully, and now matches her brother at 2 pounds and 6 ounces.  At this point they won't deliver the babes due to his lack of growth but if it continues, they'll have to deliver.
The late decelerations (drops in the babies heart rates following contractions) have continued over the last several days so as of yesterday we're back on magnesium.  In the 4 days we were off we tried two oral meds but neither of them really worked.  The contractions were getting really long and stronger off the mag and the babes just didn't tolerate them very well.  It made for some interesting days.  You know when your nurse (who is usually very calm) comes running into your room with oxygen while calling over her shoulder to get the doctor up here right away, it could be an interesting night.  We're now on continuous fetal monitoring which is harder than it sounds.  Both babes have to stay on the monitor 24/7 which means a nurse is in our room every 30 to 60 minutes to find the babies because they've moved around.  Both Scott and I are running off 2-3 hours of sleep a night ... good practice for when the babies are here I guess ... I now understand what sleep deprivation really means! (And how important it is to have a quiet night shift nurse!) Right now it feels like it's really a day to day (and sometimes hour to hour) thing.  Will we still be pregnant tonight?  Tomorrow?  This is certainly not the pregnancy I hoped for (I was thinking more along the lines of prenatal yoga classes) ... tomorrow will begin week 10 of bed rest total for this pregnancy.  But I know that being able to have children is not a guarantee and we are thankful to be where we're at.  When I see their faces and get to hold them it'll all be worth it.  "And we rejoice in our trials because we know that our trials produce perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us ..." (Romans 5)

Update

Well, we've been off the magnesium since Thursday evening and are still pregnant!  It's wonderful to not be hooked up to an IV 24/7 and on Friday Scott even got to take me for a quick wheelchair ride!  After not leaving my room for 25 days it was quite an exciting ride :)  Who knew that looking at a nurses' station and a hallway could be so fun?  The nurses and other patients probably thought we were crazy doing lap after lap around the station but I just didn't want to go back to the room!  I'm now taking a combination of oral drugs to slow the contractions which seems to be working for now.  I still contract every 10-30 minutes but that's better than it has been at times.  Saturday the doctor even considered sending us home, but she spoke too soon.  I think the babies must have heard her because right away they starting having late decelerations (dips in their heart rates after contractions).  It's probably because one or both of the their cords are getting compressed during contractions.  Right now it's not too serious (although at one point the words "emergency c-section" were brought up) but we also can't go home.  Oh Luke and Amelia, you are going to give us gray hair before you're even born!

Sisters!

My sister came to visit last weekend and it was so good to see her!  She is 17 weeks pregnant with their first little one ... this was the first "meeting" for the three cousins :)

It's the little things ...

One of the nurses overheard Scott and I talking about Molly and kindly let us know that for long term patients the hospital allows visits with pets.  Our doctor wrote an order and Molly has been allowed to come up several times!  She is one of the main things I miss about being at home (along with a growing list of other comforts) and it does amazing things to lift my spirits.  I'm a new advocate for pet therapy :)  She's the perfect visitor for when I'm on these drugs because she doesn't care if I'm cranky and she doesn't mind if I fall asleep during our visit!
This is an exciting week because on Friday we'll turn off the magnesium (after 25 days) and see what happens.  Our doctor said that she's had patients go right into labor after turning the drip off and she's also seen patients stay pregnant for many more weeks.  I'll keep you posted!  But my body (and mind) are so ready to be done with this drug so I'm very thankful that Friday is almost here.  Friday also marks the beginning of week 28 for the babes ... a huge milestone in terms of their development ... grow babies grow!

A good day!

We have to celebrate the good days and today was one of them.  We had a growth ultrasound today and both babies look great.  Amelia was two pounds which puts her in the 69th percentile for babes of 26 week gestation.  Luke weighed two pounds and six ounces which places him in the 90th percentile (and means he's the size of babies who are 10-12 days older), he might be taking after his dad!  We're feeling very thankful!
We've been in the hospital for two weeks now.  This experience has taught both Scott and I so much.  Waiting is a difficult thing to do.  Especially waiting with no guarantees.  We're learning what it means to live one day at a time, depending on God to get us to the next day.  Waiting has made us more aware and more human.  We both have noticed that we feel things more deeply and have more understanding and empathy for people who have had to wait for things of the heart:  marriage, healing, children, answers.  It's overwhelming to think about what the next weeks and months may hold.  But then I think of how far we've come and I know that each day has it's own heartaches and joys ... "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has it's own worries" (Matthew 6:24)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Okay, so I'm a few days early, but I'm getting excited for Thanksgiving.  We have a lot to be thankful for right now!  I'm still on the magnesium sulfate which isn't fun but is keeping the amount of contractions I'm having low (1-4 contractions an hour) and giving the babies as much time as possible to grow.  I think now that I have a PICC line (a long-term IV) and know details about every nurse's personal life and holiday plans, we're now officially long term patients.  There isn't much research that shows that magnesium is effective at stopping labor after 72 hours, but we don't have other options right now (the terbutaline didn't work and my blood pressure is too low to use nifedipine).  The risk to the babies is very low with magnesium so for now the risk/benefit of staying on the mag is worth it and for some women it can delay labor for several weeks.  The plan for right now is to stay as an inpatient until 28 weeks and then reassess. Some days seem to go by quickly and others feel like they last forever.  Thankfully Scott has been able to be off work and be with me.  His sense of humor and presence makes this so much more bearable.   I am so very thankful for him!  Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.  Happy Thanksgiving!!

25 weeks ... And still pregnant!

We've made it another week!  And a crazy week it's been.  We were admitted on Tuesday because my doctor felt that I was having too many contractions and was concerned about the pressure it was putting on the cerclage.  So I'm on day #4 of magnesium sulfate now.  There are only two good things I can say about this week.  The first is the most important:  we are still pregnant!  The second good thing is that the week is over!  These drugs are no fun, but they're getting the job done and the babies are growing stronger every day.  More soon ...

Week 24!

24 Weeks ... We have made it to our first goal!  Feeling very thankful today! ... And bigger by the minute :)

What's the rush?!

You know you're on bed rest when the highlight of the week is your appointment with the doctor.  Yesterday was the "big day" :)  Scott was working so my mom got to see Luke and Amelia on ultrasound for the first time.  I just love watching them play and interact together ... melts my heart.  The good news is that both babes look wonderful -- they weigh 1.5 pounds each which is actually a few days bigger than they should be right now which will be to their advantage if they arrive too early ... my high-fat, high-protein diet is apparently paying off (for them, not for me!)  The not-so-good news is that my cervix is only half the length that it was a week ago.  I was more than a little disheartened to hear that news.  It's most likely due to the increasing number of contractions I've been having (we've had to make two trips to triage in the last ten days due to contractions).  Babies -- what is the rush?!  So starting yesterday I'm on a combination of terbutaline, vistaril and indocin to try to calm down the contractions.  My doctor warned me that my time at home may not last much longer.  If the ultrasound next week shows any more changes I'll probably be admitted for IV medications.  They can't do that at this point because I'm not 24 weeks yet.  The medications are pretty miserable -- the terbutaline especially -- makes you feel like you've had about 14 cups of coffee! -- maybe would have been helpful when I was working night shift but not so much now!  But whatever it takes to keep these two in at least a few more weeks ...  Thanks for your emails, notes, cards ... I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond to all of them ... it's hard to type lying as flat as possible!  But know that I love hearing from people and appreciate our friends and family very very much ... more now than ever!

The Countdown to Christmas!!

Remember those paper chains you used to make in grade school to countdown to Christmas?  I think I may need one this year!  This year Christmas has extra special meaning -- on 12.24 the babes will be 30 weeks old!  In case you were wondering (or shopping or planning parties) Christmas Eve is 52 days away.  Yes, maybe I have too much time on my hands that I've got that figured out, but that is my goal.  Today we're 22 weeks and 4 days (I never knew every day could have so much meaning).  At 24 weeks the babies are considered viable, meaning they could possibly survive outside the womb.  But weeks 24 and 25 are a bit of a gray area because babes can have significant neurological and respiratory complications.  By 26 weeks most babies survive and many do very well.  For us, 26 weeks is the day after Thanksgiving.  The holidays will have special meanings this year!  By 30 weeks the babes would still need a month or more in the hospital but all of their vital organs would be fairly well developed.  I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse at this point to be a pediatric nurse ... On our unit we work with many kids who have medical issues related to prematurity which makes it  scary as a parent.  But for now, it's just one day at a time.  Trying to stay positive and have faith ... "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for ..." - Hebrews 11:1

Home sweet home!!

Whoah ... what a week!  We just got home from spending 3 nights in the hospital.  Wednesday I woke up feeling a little funny ... not painful, not bad, just a little off.  I had very slight lower abdominal pain but I figured it was nothing (aches and pains are a normal part of pregnancy, right?) so I headed to work.  After a few hours I still wasn't feeling right.  The preterm labor clinic calls me every week to check up on me and they happened to call me Wednesday (thank God!) so I told them about my symptoms and they made an appointment for me to see my OB.  I remember telling the nurses I work with, "Great, I'm going to be one of THOSE patients!  The type that always thinks something is wrong with them!"  But oh how thankful I am that I did listen to my body!  As it turns out the ultrasound showed that my cervix was very thin and starting to dilate (either due to preterm labor or cervical insufficiency, the doctors still aren't totally sure).  My OB sent me right to the hospital where we were admitted by the perinatologists (OBs who specialize in high risk pregnancies).  They started me on some medications to quiet my uterus down and positioned my bed so that my head was 45 degrees lower than my feet (FYI: NOT an easy way to sleep!) to take pressure off my cervix.
Thursday morning the doctor came in to review the procedure that they wanted to do, which is called a cerclage (placing stitches in the cervix to keep it closed).  Because Baby B's (Luke's) bag of water was so close to the cervix she told us there was a 50% chance she would puncture the bag during the procedure and we would lose our little boy.  I think Scott and I both started to shut down at that point.  The risks of the procedure were huge but if we didn't do it we'd almost certainly lose both babies.   Several days later I'm still tearing up when I think about that conversation.
The doctors, nurses, techs and CRNA in the procedure with me were amazing.  I think I was in shock, I was shaking uncontrollably (for you nurses reading this:  I asked for ativan but it's not safe for the babes at this point ... the fentanyl certainly helped though!) and they were so kind to me.  One of the nurses help my hand the whole time.   As a nurse I've held many hands during stressful procedures but never realized what a difference just that human touch can make.
We had many people praying during the procedure (thank you!  thank you!) and we are just thanking God that it went very very well.  The doctor felt like she got good, strong stitches in place and both Luke and Amelia tolerated it with no issues.  When they had me in position for surgery the doctor was actually able to see the membranes (bag of water) which means that had we waited even one more day it could have been too late.  These are truly miracle babies for so many reasons.
Right now there are two main risks: infection and preterm labor.  Because my cervix had started to dilate the babies could have been exposed to bacteria.  I got IV antibiotics in the hospital but it's still a risk.  If this was originally caused by preterm labor, I could be in and out of preterm labor many times.  I know now what contractions feel like so I'm just monitoring at home.  If you are a person who prays, please continue to pray against these two things and for the health of both babies.
So for now, here I am on bedrest!  I spent 3 weeks at the beginning of the pregnancy in bed due to other complications so I've got some practice :)   We feel so blessed by an amazing community that has just loved us and lifted us up during the stressful and crazy time.  Thank you for your cards, texts, emails, prayers and visits.  I will try to keep the blog up to date ... I should have plenty of time!!!

My first blog post ever!!

It's true ... I'm starting a blog!  I never thought this was something I'd actually do ... but now that we're expecting twins I think it'll be the best way to keep our family and friends updated on our lives (and post cute pictures of the babes!)  We are so thankful and excited to be where we're at.  Scott and I both feel that these two little ones are truly gifts of grace and we can't wait to meet them.  We found out July 12th that there were two little hearts beating inside my body and on October 5th we found out that we're expecting one sweet girl and one precious boy.  As of tomorrow I'm 21 weeks pregnant ... we're getting there ... one day at a time!  The official due date is 3.4.11 but twins usually arrive several weeks (or months) early.  We're praying that we make it to at least 32 weeks which is 1.7.11.  Here are a few belly shots:

Week 10

Week 14

Week 20